Let There Be Light

wadaduga: dragonfly in Cherokee
dragonfly sketch by MSDragonfly

Have you ever woken up one day and knew that it was time for change?  Perhaps it was just a feeling, or maybe you looked back and saw a progression of things that built up to a climax that made this need for change hit you in the forehead like a brick?  Yeah, I have the former every now and then, but it usually gets ignored... then, cue the latter. Brick, meet forehead. Forehead, meet brick.

This figurative brick came to me recently. Last Thursday, specifically. It was the morning after having found out the truth about a situation that I'd chosen to ignore for quite a while. I had pretended for too long that it was something that it wasn't - or rather, I pretended it wasn't something that I knew it really was. I won't get into specifics as to the situation because, frankly, my feelings were hurt so much, it was like blinking and being back in high school when my eyes opened. I'm a little embarrassed that I ever let this situation get this far.  The point is, of course, that I realized I have allowed myself to revert back to someone I used to be: someone who lets life lead her around by circumstance and lets those in that life walk all over her.

Well, no more.

I'm embracing my totem, the dragonfly. Thanks to my husband's Cherokee heritage, my "native" name is "Wadaduga" as seen in the photo above written in Cherokee.  Dragonfly's keynotes are change and the power of light.

"Dragonflies remind us that we are light and can reflect light in powerful ways if we choose to do so. "Let there be light" is the divine prompting to use the creative imagination as a force within your life." 

When the dragonfly appears to you, you should be anticipating change. I've learned enough since I began to truly connect with dragonfly, that they're serious.

"If a dragonfly has shown up in your life, you may need some fresh air in regard to something emotional. You may need to gain a new perspective or make a change."

Hmmm... ya' think?

Anyway, so here I am and I'm ready to start making the changes I need to make within me - two major themes come to mind: 1. Suck it up, and 2. Grow up!  And it isn't as though I am lacking in time, at the moment.  With having just moved, I am still at home; my job being that of unpacking and organizing this place. These changes are going to require a lot - emotionally and spiritually.  But I'm ready to for that. I'm ready to become someone that I can be proud of.

The initial plan, to this point, has been for me to go back to school in the fall and finish my certification as an Emergency Medical Technician. I don't know if this is what I should be doing or not.  I'm doing a lot of soul-searching and praying about it, looking for guidance and a clue to my path.  'Cause here's the thing... I know that deep inside, I have a purpose. I feel that this purpose has some "spiritual" nature to it... I just don't know what it is, yet.  And it may be that I need to follow through with EMT, anyway, and figure out the rest of it along the way.  My only fear is that I will devote all my time to school to get the certifications. Then all my time will be devoted to work. And, next thing I know, I'm sitting here in this same situation two or three years from now no closer to finding my true purpose than I am now... or than I was two years ago or ten years ago.  I'm 36 years old.  I want to know what I'm going to be when I grow up by the time I'm 40.  I don't have to actually "BE" it, yet, but I'd sure love to have a clue by then. I'm just sayin'.


Reference
Andrews, Ted. Animal Speak: the spiritual & magical powers of creatures great and small. (Woodbury, MN: Llewellyn Publications, 2008), p. 340-342.

And since I love showing off my pup, Mac... here's a new pic. ;)